Seen and Heard.

A person of silence.

That’s who I am, and will always be

In no position to talk,

Is this situational irony.

When I spill the words on a page,

I tell others that it’s easier this way…

But what I failed to realise

Was that it was easier because this page,

These words,

Became locked away.

-

Writing is a freedom of sorts,

To few and to a many

For me, it has become a dungeon for  thoughts

Where they should be tucked away

Like every other word written before,

It was certain these would leave my memory too

Whisking away any unhappiness, troubles and thoughts alike

The disappearing act for thoughts less than perfect

-

And perhaps it is true,

That it is melancholy that writing is the cure for

Because happiness is understated.

-

Voices quivering

It was rarely spoken like that

Too scared to hear the thoughts spoken

All truth and fear

To see and not to hear,

So much easier to ignore

Hidden from sight

Protected at heart

-

With these thoughts and words all neatly written away,

There simply aren’t any left for me to say

From me to you

-

Simple silence.

-

-.Raspberries.~

2011.

So, what better to start off the new year than a new year’s resolution(s)? Tid bit of what 2011 may mean for me…

New Year’s Resolutions:
1. To cherish each and every waking moment (cheesy, but I need to remind myself of this because time not well spent, is time wasted)
2. To be selfless (truly to be selfless and try REALLY hard not to imagine any sort of benefit)
3. To push myself and to chase my dreams and goals without holding back
-not being afraid
-not being afraid of being embarrassed
4.To live freely without fear of the judgement of others
5. To workout at least three times a week (and hopefully be able to touch my toes…it’s sad I know)
6. To love and not be afraid of saying it
7. To be stronger
8. To be more proactive in my life
9. To procrastinate less
10. Live, learn and laugh not for the sake of drifting through life, but because of honest and true passion
11. To be punctual
12. To be more forgiving
13. To not dwell on the details
14. To not drown in my imaginations of things that could’ve been, should’ve been or would’ve been
15. Indulge more into the arts

More of a to-do list:
-Send post-mail to friends in diff. countries.

The Bubble Theory.

Looking into a world, where nothing grows old

People change, but are still weaved of truths

It’s the little things

That’s what she always said.

.

Maybe they were the little things because no one else could see them

But her.

.

Every time this bubble burst

She made it whole again.

It wasn’t till now that she saw it was futile

Because every time it happened,

Another person within that world

Would leave.

.

And it wasn’t till now that she realized

She was left all alone.

-

sensitive, maybe.

childish, perhaps.

but the world was simply moving too fast for her

running as it may,

but there was no waiting

blurs of motion

alone

again

.

-.Raspberries.~

Isolation.

Lines unheard of

For as long as the echo travelled

In that shapeless tunnel

It was a matter of days

Matter of heartbeats

-

Forgotten?

Perhaps.

But forever is just a

Promise waiting to be broken

Sent in warmth

Taken in shivers

Intentions no longer there

-

Beginnings

Frozen.

Handed hands

But not the one that fit

How to start when the

Last encounter fell through

Endings.

———————————–

Closed doors

Can’t live in your thoughts

Your hopes

Your monsters

The fog refuses to let go

 -

Sweet ponderings

Every time music graces the ear

Melodies seen through the eyes

Start to fall

 -

The comfort of suffocation

It builds within it

The intolerable sounds of sorrow

Never heard outside these walls

And in a crumpled heap

By the piano

She fell.

-

-.Raspberries.~

Away.

Verse after verse

Deemed the nights unbearable

Words often seen but not heard

Memories clicking away

But it’s the present

The future

That fear is dominating every fibre

 -

To move on, to hold back

To stay or go

Indecisive

Always

 -

Broken words that don’t ring

Through the brisk autumn chill

Path that led astray

Tears carved out rivers alongside

 -

Fresh wounds that never fade

Adaptation, too hard

Despite its beauty at dawn,

At dusk

There was no light to greet her

No stars in the sky to shield her

And once again, darkness was there

 -

This isn’t home.

 -

-.Raspberries.~

Unfinished Thoughts.

Lingering thoughts and feelings?

Perhaps.

Even though they say time is the greatest medicine,

Somethings just don’t go away

Heartache for the things never cherished

Or is it for the battles unforseen

A contest in some ways, yes

To win the satisfaction to set in a

Slumber at night without worry, guilt or regret

But when night falls,

Only darkness and shadows plagues this scene

-

The demure state of rain seems fitting

A warning sign, a sound

It quickens and surrounds the space

Letting no one in

It’s covered her past

She can no longer go back

It pours,

But her feet stand still,

Entranced

Lost in the ripples made by

Every little drop

-

A broken form

Borrowed pieces to live

Warm cloaks and umbrellas

Sheltered

Didn’t mend

But how to mend when it never

Had a chance to break?

Sought after such realism in the vivid

Fantasies that though never fully

Tangible, emotions became a blur

For the greatest struggle was to lift

The edges of her lips

A sad, downcast, knowing purse

Was all that she could manage

-

The thoughts canvassed by the darkened sky that showed little promise

-

Because this was never meant to be a fairytale,

No one would chase after the forgotten child

Smiles, with a hidden depth

She chose to leave the false courtesies and

Took a step outside the pumpkin

Both slippers taken off,

It was a dash of madness of sorts

Freedom, or was it just another way of saying

Solitude?

With a freshly picked clover in her hand,

No, not four leafed, luck was never on her side

She headed back because however slight,

There was a lingering sense of hope

The rain stopped

-

Thoughts of happiness are as brief as the reflection of a seagull’s flight over water

-

Limitations in this imitation

Renditions were never good enough

Few steps ahead

It was the constant comparison

That tore this heart apart

Leaving it raw, restless

Separated, it never mattered

But the unlikely, or should i say the likely

Combination brought forward

Floods of emotions

This is why imitations work so hard

To try and surpass the original

The preference of others were obvious

But the heart-wrenching feeling stayed

And with every passing moment,

The self-degradation got worse

Receding into a shell no one saw

Nobody could ever get any closer

Never will be anything more than an imitation.

 -

[I apologize for the length of this one, but I just felt like writing while I was taking a walk in the morning. Rain is a trigger and so are goodbyes and gatherings. My thoughts are kind of all over the place right now, and I'm hoping by typing it all out, it'll be a release of some sort.]

-.Raspberries.~

Fallen.

Lines of truth and heartache…

Can’t be together forever

Only way to stop the hearstrings

From breaking

Is to walk away first

 -

Never to be the one left standing in the cold

Watching,

As that face turns slowly away

Leaving only thoughts of despair

Lonliness and abandonment

 -

But who am I to lie

When all I can do is wallow in pain

This greed, this need to hold on

Because no one can ever take the

Bitterness of departure

 -

And so, I’ll turn my head

Lose sight of you first

The hurt that crosses your features

Are sensed through this fog

But never will I let you have the last

Drops of pain

As I stand there for eternity

Hearing your footsteps leave

The room first.

——————-

It’s always this room

I’ve never taken a step

As the doors open and close

People come and go

 -

Empty.

 -

The obsession to have the most

To be lost in a blank room

Filled with nothing but the anguish

 -

Complete.

 -

Because a part of me knows,

That where ever those steps guide you next

Will be far better than standing here

Next to me

 -

I’ve seen the smiles beyond the screen,

Can imagine the life and colour that will come

Dashing into your surroundings

That have come anew

 -

For what monstrous being

Would I be if I were to trap

You within this encasement of

Void.

-

-.Raspberries.~

Closure.

Years passing by like mere minutes

So hard to hold onto all the memories

But a melody lets us relive a moment

It holds true to the thoughts and feelings

Once shared

 -

Forgotten

Lyrics only half remembered

It was enough to be a closed chapter

But there it was again,

Though it wasn’t meant for me

 -

Tunes no longer sound the same when

You connect it to the past

Chosen path but never ventured

A melody that was never to be heard again

 -

The simplest sounds set off a trigger and

Wounded memories flood

It was an old song that never did sound quite right

But those who heard it first

Die a little on the inside.

 

-

 

 

[I wish there was a device that could directly translate what you're feeling into words... My words seem to be missing something, but I can't write it down....]

 

 

 

 

-.Raspberries.~

Prison.

Glass encasement

Prison

Locked away and with no one

Nor nothing to see

At a loss

But at least their feelings

Seep through the cracks

And I have found a life worth living

Observations made at a distance

Never in dangers way

Fire burning through their tips to mine

But the ashes leave no trace in this prison

Though maybe I’ve seen it all already

The broken paths

That once started with sweet beginings

Where did it all go?

The time shared with smiles and laughter

Hoping for a happy ending

But they’ve all run off on their own

Where to find

No one knows

Now left with nothing but thrown words

Torn hearts and a bitter taste

Even beyond this glass screen

Something I never want to feel on my own

Is now staring eye to eye

A cover of frost and everything before me

Disappears

Once again

No one nor nothing is in sight

-.Raspberries.~

One Step Back.

ONE STEP BACK

When people say you can’t escape the past

I beg to differ

I see the goal before me

And turning back now

Will not solve anything

Running away from myself

Keeps leading me in circles

Avoiding mistakes

I remember all too well

Time

Is the enemy

I know now that fame and fortune

Are part of who I am

These fractions of my past

Have already passed me by

Why is it that regrets

Are the only things on my mind

And dreams

I never have anymore

Bad memories

Cloud my judgement

Success or failure

Is all important

Self reflection

Avoidable

Though inevitably

Turning back at this point was not

Unavoidable

(Credits to the game One Step Back for its wonderful message, finish playing the game and you’ll see the hidden message. Enjoy!~)